Student Behaviour – Don’t Take It Personally

We don't need to take student behaviour personally and feel we are being targeted

Working with young people means that we interact with those who often do not appear to have the social cues to be respectful and courteous.

As teachers, do we consider that the interactions we have with students is a different kind of interaction those in other industries have with who they work alongside?

Although there is an awareness to a general deteriorating quality of communication in our communities, being spoken to disrespectfully or in a non-courteous way, is quite normal in the life of a teacher.

School can be a non-preferred environment for some students, and it is common that some students don’t filter their expression of this in their attitudes and communication towards teachers. I have found it debilitating at times with how I get spoken to. I’ve sometimes found myself saying to students things along the lines of, “I’m a human being you know, not a robot standing in front of you with no feelings.”

Clearly this is a reaction, but it is also an observation of how some young people behave and communicate.

Daily, teachers receive dismissive, disrespectful or abusive behaviour towards them.

Alongside incidents of dysfunctional behaviour in young people, there is also a low-grade disrespect running as an undercurrent in many classrooms that is not touched on as widely and which can have an eroding and demoralising impact on a teacher’s daily life.

As teachers we commonly do not pause to consider the many factors we deal with each day, and how much this steady drip of a lack of respect and courtesy can be impacting on our overall wellbeing.

Over the years I have found I have become more attuned to understanding what is going on in the background for a student, which supports me to not take comments personally.

Each student in our classrooms has, up to the point of arriving at our lesson, a 24-hour period or more of other ‘life’ and interactions with a myriad of people. Anything could have occurred to impact the mood and behaviour of a student walking into our classroom. This can include interactions with others, over stimulation, lack of respite from the constant imposition of social media/online devices, poor hydration, poor nutrition, lack of rest, through to more serious events in a home background.

The lives of young people nowadays are super intense. All of this can contribute to a distorted approach and attitude towards education, and in turn, to the teacher in front of them.

As a result, as teachers, we may run the narrative of thoughts, that we may not be considered an important part of a young person’s life because we feel dismissed and disrespected at times. But it is important to remember that, as teachers, we are in fact making more of an impact and difference than we can imagine.

Not taking it personally, observing and not reacting are key components in our daily tool kit to be in this profession.

It does not mean we become door mats and don’t set boundaries. Far from it. But by not taking it personally, we actually can be an integral part of a young person’s life in bringing the standards and values they are needing (and often quietly craving) to acquire.

It is significantly important to recognise this difference and the role we bring beyond the curriculum.

At the same time, it can take a toll sometimes to feel as if we are bearing the brunt of being someone’s battering ram.

How often do we hear the joy-filled stories of a young person initially presenting with challenging behaviours, to then have a major change and difference brought to them by a teacher who noticed, cared, set boundaries and stood the test of time?

This was clearly evident in a recent lesson I was asked to cover for an absent teacher. Two students in that class were students I taught last year and during the year, I needed to bring attention to their chatty and disrespectful behaviours. However, yesterday, their faces lit up when they saw me, and one even stayed behind to chat and ask how I was, asking my advice on something, despite it being their lunch break.

These are gold moments. But we can still bring attention to the fact that in the moments of receiving dismissive and disrespectful behaviour, it can take a toll on our bodies physically and mentally. It is not simply with a snap of a finger that we become the steady ship in the room that withstands the persistent onslaught. As teachers we actually need to build a certain kind of fitness to not take it personally and remain the steady keel.

Taking care of ourselves is key.

To acknowledge and deeply appreciate this aspect of our role is a first vital step. Taking stock and being connected with ourselves throughout the day to check in to see if we have been nudged or impacted by an event or student, is paramount.

Things to support deepening in this connection come back to the 101 basics such as rested sleep, hydration, supportive foods, sharing and expressing with our colleagues.

A dismissive or disrespectful comment can have us reeling inside, and reactions and feelings can arise such as dismay, disgust, incredulousness, how dare you. Acknowledging and being honest and open are also 101’s to support these kinds of situations.

Understanding and acknowledging the prevalence of low-grade disrespectful behaviours in our classes can support us to do two things. Firstly, keeping a helicopter bigger picture view on every situation rather than getting caught in the quagmire of a moment, and secondly, to realise that 99% of these undermining comments and behaviours are absolutely not personal. They are an expression of a wider malaise for the young people who are in our care in that moment.

Taking stock to acknowledge and appreciate the challenges that arise in our teaching day, the difference we bring, and connecting to the purpose of our job, are all foundational 101’s to sustain and nurture us in our profession.