The Rabbit Hole of Teacher Self Doubt

There is no doubt about it, doubt is a killer. It would be inconclusive to put a finger on how much doubt can enter the life of a teacher. It would saturate many in the profession, and many could even be unaware or impervious as to how much it runs the show.

Doubt is crippling and often takes us down a rabbit hole. When a teacher tends to a task, it can all be going swimmingly well, until we hear someone speak about how they did the task / created the lesson / interpreted the curriculum or assessment / or mention something we have forgotten to tend to - and the rabbit hole opens up.

Each time, doubt kicks in, and it often does, a visceral feeling like a severe punch in the solar plexus area is experienced; a fear that something has been done wrong and maybe it will be found out.

'Crippling' is a good word to describe doubt. It can shatter the greatest of us into a gazillion pieces, spiralling us into attempting to try and work something out. Worst of all, it can override some terrific work which could have been being accomplished and we might wipe it and begin again.

What even is doubt? It is not anything we can grab hold of – it is not some directive or concern being directed at us from another. So why and how does it exist?

Doubt has some terrible side effects. It can have me forgetting all that I actually know about the content; it can block the connection I have with young people, and the ability in the moment to know exactly what is actually needed to teach them. I want to be authentic and that means admitting that sometimes I actually do not know, and that doubt can actually be a great signpost to alert me to the fact that students might also be confused about something. 

I have been crippled by doubt for the majority of my career: is it good enough? Is it going to teach the students what they need to know? Are they going to be able to do the assessment? Have I missed something out? Have I tended to all the administrative requirements?

For me there was no magic wand to make doubt disappear. It can still make the odd appearance. But what arrived within me which made the difference in reducing doubt, was confirming my purpose, integrity and dedication to my role. I backed my intention to teach, which is to know my content to the best of my ability; be as much of the natural me in the classroom as I can, and to not bring into the room any of those intangible things such as stress, anxiety, and doubt.

Today, if I need to ask questions, but my thoughts tell me that maybe someone is going to find out I might be a bit of a fraud because I don’t know it all, I don’t mind. Not being all knowing and being humble or admitting I may even have got something wrong is okay. Backing myself in the ‘not knowing’ and that I need to ask questions can also alert others to the fact something is actually over complicated or not clear and gives the opportunity to refine a task / assessment / process.

Through asking questions we build relationships and collegiality. We offer opportunities to others for them to also open up and ditch the doubt. 

It would be wonderful for our well-being to kick ‘doubt’ out of our vocabulary. To give it nothing. There is no greater assurance to increasing our well-being than to ditch the rabbit hole of doubt.